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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23946475">A fate worse than death</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Caelestia/pseuds/Caelestia'>Caelestia</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Double Trouble [4]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Boruto: Naruto Next Generations, Naruto</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Adjustment Disorder, Alpha Uzumaki Naruto, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alpha/Omega, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Attachment Disorder, BAMF Hyuuga Hinata, Denial of Feelings, Depressed Uzumaki Naruto, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Sex, F/M, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Hyuuga Hinata Is A Queen, Married Couple, Married Life, Married Sex, Mating Bites, Mating Bond, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Omega Hyuuga Hinata, Omega Verse, Possessive Behavior, Possessive Sex, Psychological Trauma, Putting Up With Her Husband Issues, Resilient Hyuuga Hinata, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Destruction, Self-Destructive Tendencies, Self-Doubt, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Reflection, So Married, Uzumaki Naruto Has Issues, Uzumaki Naruto-centric, no beta we die like men</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-03 01:01:41</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>16,822</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23946475</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Caelestia/pseuds/Caelestia</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>"So who was he fooling exactly? Hinata didn’t need him. He needed her. He wasn’t the Alpha but the Omega here. He was the one throwing his needs at the face of his mate. He was the one who needed to be taken care of. Because the truth was, even if he hadn’t been the best husband, even if he had clearly hurt her, she had fended for herself better than him. She hadn’t waited for him to save her. She didn’t need to be saved. He was the one looking for a saviour. He was the one whose soul ached from the misery he put on himself. How hypocritical of him."</p><p>This story takes place right after the "Versus Momoshiki Arc", when Naruto comes back to Konoha. I wanted to explore Naruto's trauma and go deeper into his relationship with Hinata and merge everything with the Omegaverse. Not all fluff and light-hearted more like adulthood came by and punched everyone in the face.</p><p> </p><p>EDIT 03.05.2020 : I have merged the two chapters in one. If you have read the first one, please do Crtl + F and copy/paste : For a minute, It will lead you directly to the second part.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Hyuuga Hinata/Uzumaki Naruto</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Double Trouble [4]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1695679</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>140</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>EDIT 03.05.2020 : I have merged the two chapters in one. If you have read the first one, please do Crtl + F and copy/paste : For a minute, It will lead you directly to the second part.</p><p>Hi there! So yeah *ahem* I may have let myself get carried away. I'm a hardcore NaruHina shipper and since Boruto, I have the feeling of my ship having been played dirty. Hinata is all in love while Naruto... seems to not care much about her? I tried to merge their interaction into the Omega verse universe in order to explain why they are behaving this way.</p><p>Also, also, I always found strange Naruto didn't have much issues considering the shit he'd been through. Like I think the "smile the pain away" had been used a little bit excessively with him, this is why I wrote this! I hope you will like it ~</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Naruto sighed, drained and weary, eyeing the umpteenth physiological and psychological report, regarding a newly engaged Alpha chûnin Shikamaru brought him one hour before. The conclusions were indisputable, the man had been clearly affected by his bond during his mission, leading to its failure. Even if he was disappointed, it would have been hypocritical of him to be angry about the situation knowing he could hardly relate to what people sharing his secondary gender could experience.</p><p><br/>
If emotional upbringing was fundamental to all people, studies had shown over the last years it was especially important to the children who later presented as Alphas. For them, its non-existence could result in severe psychological and behavioural damages which, sometimes, no amount of psychological assistance could repair. As an orphan and having been rejected by his peers, Naruto was the perfect example. In order to feel alive, for his existence to be recognised, he had used his pranks at a young age to get the attention he so desperately craved. However, it had been far from enough which was why Naruto had developed something when he was a child that he had never encountered from any other Alpha. A “soothing smell”. Biologically, even if secondary gender would not appear before eleven years old, some behaviours belonged strictly to their genders, and therefore allowed parents and teachers to make assumptions. A soothing smell was usually induced by Betas or Omegas, this was why the Third Hokage and his teacher had thought for many years he would be one of the two. So, when he presented as an Alpha at the age of eleven, every adult around him were absolutely stunned. If it was indeed amazing that he had the ability to do so, the harsh reality was that his social isolation had been traumatic enough it had pressured his body to coat himself in a soothing smell in order to bear the feeling of emptiness that shredded his heart.</p><p><br/>
Still, the more he grew the more he realized that something was missing. If his soothing smell gave him the astonishing ability to make people’s heart change, to rely blindly on him, the lack of emotional upbringing started showing early in his relationships. The reason his friends had called him “dense” for many years was only its materialization. Understanding people’s pain, sharing the burden of hatred was easier for him than understanding his own emotions. In fact, if he could distinguish anger, fear, sadness and excitation, joy and love seemed like something too far in his own body to experience them accurately and he had to focus on his physical sensation in order to know what was he was feeling. For many years it didn’t bother him though. His sunny façade was the only answer he found to distract himself from loneliness and stop people from pitying him. Facing hatred and anger was fine, but an emotion that would let him remember the love he craved for, unthinkable. As far as he was concerned, it was his burden and his alone, and no one shall ever disrupt the seeming peace he had found within himself. Besides, and far before he presented, Naruto had always thought he would end up with an Alpha girl. By their nature, they didn’t seek as much emotional support as Omegas did and clearly enjoyed a hectic relationship unlike the Betas and by extent Deltas. Moreover, as no bond shall take place, Naruto wouldn’t have to deal with his partner’s emotional turmoil as he needed strong, if not deadly, sensations in order to feel alive.</p><p><br/>
This was why, when Sakura presented as an Omega, he had been deeply choked. For a few minutes, he had remained motionless while their sensei explained how the dynamic of the group would change. He had always thoughts Sakura would present as Alpha as she had a quick temper and had no fear in scolding their teacher who was on top of that an Alpha. But no, the girl he had a crush on was an Omega, the secondary gender he was the most uncomfortable with. When Sakura explained to them her predicament, the fact her Omega would never be able to fully bloom, Naruto had a shimmer of hope. Maybe her emotional needs wouldn’t need to be tended as much as a normal Omega. Maybe she wouldn’t mind having a ninja husband, if the fact she seemed to enjoy doing missions with them and conceived the thrill one could felt in battles were a clue. And maybe, just maybe, he would taste at last a soothing smell other than its own. Therefore, he engaged in a competition with Sasuke, his hidden desire mingling slowly with his will to become better than him. However, he didn’t have the time to prove his worth. His relationship with him deteriorated very quickly and what had sealed his utmost defeat was that fateful day, when Sasuke left Konoha. Sakura had come to him, crying her eyes out, imploring him to get him back and he had smelled for the first time her despair but above all her love for a guy that wasn’t him. He suddenly understood that, no matter what he would do, she would never reciprocate his feelings, would never release that smell he had dreamed of for him. So he did what he did best; smiled and promised her he would bring Sasuke back, releasing his soothing smell that had the power to make others trust him but also helped him to put up a brave front in order to hide how much he hurt. Losing his best friend and his first love on the same day wrecked his emotional state, making him long for feelings Naruto never thought he would want to experience; he had always wondered since then if that wasn’t the reason why he had lost at the Valley of the End that day.</p><p><br/>
After that, he didn’t have had the time to think about his feelings, his only goal being bringing Sasuke back to the village, to Sakura… Furthermore, his three years of training had made him come to terms with what he wished for after everything would be over; wining the recognition of his peers and being able to protect Konoha’s inhabitants by becoming one of the strongest Hokage. He didn’t need anything else and this childish desire was nothing more than a whim of his past.</p><p><br/>
Or so he thought.</p><p><br/>
He would never forget the day he had smelled it for the first time, how he had thought his heart would explode in his chest, how his inner Alpha had howled his hopeless relief… but also his crushing despair when he had believed he had lost what he had foolishly sought and craved all his life forever. Her slender silhouette standing tall in front of his pinned form, her hair gracefully dancing around her body as she faced Pain. Hinata’s Omega soothing smell wrapping his whole being. He had been so choked he had barely heard her confession, his senses drunk from the deafening sensation. Then, fear had coiled his guts, becoming more and more unbearable each time she had tried to free him, each time her body had been thrown into the air like a boneless doll. He had pleaded, pleaded for her to stop, pleaded for her to leave until he had begged at the top of his lungs for her life as Pain had hovered over her body hidden from him by those fucking stones. Never had she once stopped releasing her soothing smell until she had been stabbed, leaving Naruto horrifyingly alone which had crushed his mind to a point he had unleashed Kurama, succumbing to his anger.</p><p><br/>
When he came back to himself, he didn’t have the time to reflect on what happened. Sure, he had saved the village but Sasuke had lost his mind, becoming a criminal and he had wanted to plead for the life of his once teammate. There, in front of the inn, he had collapsed under a heavy snow, hyperventilating as everyone was pressuring him to choose between his personal belief, his nindo, and the “greater good” by sacrificing the life of his best friend. As he lost consciousness, he had realized that for the first time of his life he didn’t release his soothing smell, his body having stopped to produce it on his own, oblivious to the fact her scent had imprinted on his inner Alpha. But then, the Fourth Shinobi World War had broken out, wrecking everything and everyone, forcing Naruto to rely heavily on his soothing smell to boost troops’ morals, pushing in back of his mind whatever memory he had of that day.</p><p><br/>
Saving Sasuke from his madness, his pain, freeing the world from the Infinite Tsukuyomi, becoming the most worldwide known Shinobi, earning the recognition of his peers, asserting his position as the next Hokage… None of that had prepared him to face his most taxing challenge: Living. There were no more mad life-risking situations, no more near-death experience… sure he still went on missions but the thrill of fighting for his life was nowhere near enough as it had once been. He was ashamed to admit it, but peace brought back a demon war had cast away, the emptiness of his heart. He had achieved all his goals to face what he had tried all his young life to ignore, his feelings. Suddenly, girls were throwing themselves at his feet and if he had once envied Sasuke, the turnaround was excruciatingly awkward. Still, as he couldn’t risk his life anymore to ignore the sadness, the feeling of being incomplete that tainted the depths of his soul, he indulged those girls, had even sex with some of them, mostly Omegas, if not always, looking for that scent that would ease this fucking itch of his, would ease his need for danger, for battles… But as soon as he was done with them, his disappointment was so high it left a bitter taste in his mouth. So, he never called them again, never replied to their attention… Not very classy of him but again, he had never been concerned with social conventions. Also, it was not like they had actual feelings for him, right?</p><p><br/>
He didn't know how long he hid behind this scum of an excuse. How could he have really known when he didn’t even understand what love was? Sure, he had the big picture, friends he cared for, what people did for love, hell he even met his dead parents, so he had damn experienced it but to actually be in love?</p><p><br/>
He couldn’t tell. He couldn’t bear the frustration of feeling alone as a warm body laid by his side, couldn’t bear the despair that ran through his veins as he felt misunderstood by those Omegas that never had to fight for anything in their fucking life. And the anger… he didn’t know how to deal with his anger when those girls threw their emotions, needs at his face, waiting for him to take care of them like a good, healthy, fucking normal Alpha. This was why he stopped having sex with them, sparing himself those emotions, sparing himself from the disturbing truth of his messed-up mind. And if he wasn’t sick enough, when Toneri Otsutsuki appeared, he had felt relieved. He hadn’t felt this thrill since the end of the Fourth War, this thrill that drove him to fight, to live, to push those thoughts aside, to focus only on his strength, on his will to protect. It felt like life was giving him a time out he deeply needed…</p><p><br/>
But again, when had his life ever been easy? Of course, he had to be put under that Genjutsu. Of course, he had to live through these memories, had to acknowledge them, had to live the very scene he had succeeded in forgetting, not wanting to remember the fear, the despair, the craving, the need Hinata made him lived through that day. All those emotions he had tried to suppress for so long blowing up in his face, leaving him raw, lost… If it was her, if it was her scent… it could do… yeah it could ease that itch, it could make him feel alive… These were his thoughts for days after Sakura had released everyone, making him ponder whether or not he should talk to Hinata. Those girls always came to him, Omegas weren’t usually afraid of their feelings but with her… He didn’t know what he was supposed to do. She was so strong yet so frail and this shyness of hers… it was killing him. He didn’t know how to communicate with her, let alone talk to her about his feelings. What did he feel anyway? So far, the crave to possess at last that soothing smell that drove him mad was truly his only motivation. But he couldn’t have told her that, right? She wouldn’t have understood, would have thought he was insane. Hell, even he believed he had to be demented to have that kind of purpose. He didn’t think about the bond, didn’t even think of where it would lead them, what he would have to face, the voice of his inner Alpha imploring him to rely on her, own her, hushing up his others thoughts. So, he did the only thing he knew people did in that kind of situation. He confessed, rather clumsily he had to admit. In fact, it wasn’t even supposed to happen this way. Her face when she heard those words, his heart swelling achingly inside his chest as he almost touched what he had been dreaming of for so long… to end abruptly at Toneri’s arrival and Hinata’s departure. This was the second time in his life he had to experience this awful feeling of being left agonizingly alone except that, this time, it had felt like a rejection on her part, like she had denied him a right that wasn’t his to begin with but he foolishly desired. His inner Alpha had trashed inside of him to make him snap and fucking retrieve what was his and HIS alone, to finally own what he had been missing all his life. Still, once again, his emotional state had failed him, and he didn’t succeed in recovering Hinata. It had made him feel so down he had almost given up the mission. For the first time in his life the thrill his brain sought like a drug had no effect on him. Overcame with distress, it felt like he lived a real nightmare. However, no amount of despair could match Shikamaru’s constant taunt. This Delta had the power to fucking get under his skin every time he needed a boost. No wonder he became his right hand. However, Sakura had held the key, gently scolding him and making him realize what he had felt for her had only been a crush induced by the thrill of challenging another Alpha who also happened to be his best friend and his rival… There was no such thing with Hinata, he didn’t want to win her over. No, his goal was way more selfish, far from heroic. His shame was consuming him, but he couldn’t let go.</p><p><br/>
So, he had saved her, saved the world once again, and begun dating her. If he had thought at one point, he would be able to end their relationship as he had done so with the others, he was proved wrong rather quickly. As they were lying for the first time in his bed, snuggling with each other, her soothing scent had hit him fully, enfolding his body, making his way towards the hole in his chest, submerging him with love. For the first time in his life he finally discovered what it felt to be loved, not as a friend, not as a child, not as a hero but as a man. It had been so powerful he had choked back a sob. His inner Alpha being overwhelmed, he lost the control of his own smell, making Hinata intensify her own, drugging him without even realizing it. Through his groggy state, as he tightened his hold around her, he made up his mind. Even if he couldn’t quite get in touch with his feelings he would learn to love her, would learn to tend to her needs, would learn to be the perfect Alpha for his Omega… because there was no fucking way he could let her go.</p><p><br/>
He had proposed a few months later, surprising everyone. They cheered on them, praised Hinata for his undying love, praised him for stopping being so “dense”… making him feel guilty to no end. It felt like he was betraying her. Betraying her love for him which was claimed as genuine while his was induced by a hidden childish desperate desire. Was he tarnishing her love for him? Could he really make her happy? He had decided so but… could he really look away from his demons? Everybody was talking about how they will be the first ones to have a bond. Shit. The bond. Lump in the back of his throat, he thought about it every day. How had he NOT have reflected on that? As an Alpha/Omega couple. a bond was to take place, there was no way it could not happen. So, for the first time in his life, he had read willingly everything that had been written about this god damn thing. And it did not ease in the slightest his anxiousness. His only solace, and he felt absolutely awful for thinking that, was that Hinata had not been properly socialized as an Omega. Having been born as an heir in an Alpha family, Hinata’s nature had been tamed with harsh treatments in order to harden her, but truly, it had only been done to preserve the clan's reputation. Therefore, she hadn’t been taught to voice her desires, her emotions, aggravating her shyness and her quiet nature. If Naruto had thought bitterly a few times about the purpose of all of this; since it had been planned by the elders to repudiate her as soon as Hanabi had shown signs of presenting as an Alpha, he couldn’t help but feel sickeningly relieved at the same time. She wasn’t as vocal as the other Omegas, didn’t throw her needs at his face, didn’t really expect anything from him… and by God he was so selfish to enjoy it. Going on missions, putting his life at risk only to come back with a toothy grin, kiss her worried features, and let himself be coated in her soothing scent… She never told him anything about his wounds, never voiced out loud her concern. So he had convinced himself the bond wouldn’t be much of a problem and therefore bit her on her first heat after the marriage.</p><p><br/>
He had been so wrong.</p><p><br/>
“Nanadaime, the Land of Fire’s Daimyo is here.”</p><p><br/>
Shikamaru’s voice startled Naruto. He quickly eyed the digital clock and couldn’t help to click his tongue. Fuck, he didn’t do shit this morning either. Pinching the bridge of his nose, he mentally scolded himself. He needed to keep these thoughts away, nothing good would come out of it.</p><p><br/>
“Naruto, are you alright?”</p><p>“Ah, yeah, just tired. You can bring him in.”</p><p><br/>
The way Shikamaru looked at him intrigued him, as if the Delta hadn’t expected this answer from him. However, he shrugged quickly this thought aside as a man with gray hair entered the room. Putting on his best smile, Naruto greeted the lord and invited him to sit in front of him. Today’s negotiations stake was especially important, not only because the project was close to Naruto’s heart but also because it could change the future of entire generations. He needed those funding, he needed to build a stable environment for the village’s orphans, he would not let any future Alpha child end up as messed up as he was. The economic plan, the political implication, the sociological impact, the actors involved, the outcomes; every single detail was here, in this very fold he had put together with Shikamaru. It had taken months, months of sleepless nights, endless phone calls with orphanages’ directors, tiring meet up with scientists to build this up, he couldn’t screw up, not after all of this. He absolutely needed to focus.</p><p><br/>
And yet, his mind wandered again. Wandered to this night when his fate had been sealed, when his teeth had broken Hinata’s skin. He had felt nauseous, all those feelings that were not his… And the worst part of it was he would never take this shame to his grave because his revulsion had been shared… it had been fucking shared through this damn bond with his wife that had remained stoic under him in absolute shock, her lavender eyes staring desperately at the ceiling, refusing to meet his own. Worse, she had tried to produce the soothing smell he loved so much, had stroked his forearms, trying to comfort him… but it had the opposite effect. Naruto had panicked, had tried to explain but the only thing that left his mouth that day had been a litany of <em>“It’s not what you think! It’s not what you think!”</em>. He had refused to let her go that night, had forced himself to say something, anything that would have made her understand…</p><p><br/>
“<em>I’m bad at feelings… it was, it was just too much at once. I swear it’s not about you.</em>”</p><p>“<em>It’s okay Naruto-kun, I know, it’s okay.</em>”</p><p><br/>
But was it really? Her pain was running through his veins and it made him feel like a monster. This was how their first night as a bonded pair went. Naruto scent-marking Hinata as an apology, Hinata ruffling his hair while waiting for her heat to hit again in silence… It had been an absolute disaster. So, Naruto had vowed to himself to get accustomed to those new emotions, try to understand them. However, he did not except the bond would also overstimulate his own, making him go completely insane, letting his messed-up Alpha take over. Every time Hinata went on missions, he felt restless. He barely ate, snapped at everyone, waited seated for hours in the exact same position, his mind making up several situations where Hinata ended up bruised, hurt, or worse dead. If the mission went on longer than excepted, Naruto became frantic, hyperventilating when he was not threatening Kakashi’s life if he did not send a rescue squad or anyone to help his wife… and so without feeling any distress on her part through the bond. One time he had been affected by Hinata’s fear… he almost killed the gate’s guards who refused to let him through, following Kakashi’s orders. It took the Ino-Shika-Cho trio and Sakura to put him down, and they succeeded only because his emotional state had messed up his chakra control.</p><p><br/>
Something was wrong… Not only his mental state but because each time Hinata came back, Kakashi had to inform her of what had happened to him while she was away. She didn’t live his emotional distress through their bond. It was like he had the ability to shut himself away from her as soon as she left his side. His feelings could only be shared again through the bond when she was next to him, or in Konoha at most. It had recomforted him in a way. At least he would not disturber her during her mission, would not be responsible for any injury because of his unstable Alpha… But it affected him too much and soon, she was assigned only to D or C rank missions around Konoha. Naruto hadn’t counted how many times he had apologised to Hinata while holding her in his arms. Still, she remained true to herself, smiling, saying it wasn’t his fault and enfolding him with her smell until he would fall asleep. However, when things began to settle down, Naruto felt trapped. He started to take on missions that would require him to leave the village for days. He always felt conflicted, his inner Alpha uneased at leaving his Omega alone while the rational part of his mind experienced a guilty pleasure at being alone again. Even though Hinata wasn’t throwing her needs at his face, he could feel her sadness each time he didn’t emotionally respond to her, keeping her at bay in fear of losing his sanity as soon as he would be away from her, from her touch, her scent... her scent that initially had been enough to keep his itch away was now making him suffocate. So, he left, looking for battles, risking his life as he knew she couldn’t feel anything of what he was living when he was away. Then, suddenly, her scent changed, less powerful, less comfort-oriented; it had an airily serenity Naruto couldn’t understand until the news wrecked his world. She was pregnant with his first child and had resigned from her position of Kunoichi. He had been so overwhelmed with joy he also stopped going on missions altogether. He resumed his learning in order to become a proper successor to Kakashi, but also to keep an eye on Hinata as he was mostly working from home. Staying at her side, caring for her feelings, tending to each of her needs… Every time the bond manifested itself, his will to provide grew stronger, months of neglect and restrains long forgotten. At the time, Naruto had thought he could live in peace; his inner Alpha and his self-destructive instinct seemed to have calmed down so far. Yeah, he had thought caring for the well-being of the life inside Hinata’s womb would be his salvation, would allow him to change… Until the bond almost killed him.</p><p><br/>
His memory of that day was a bit blurry, only snaps of what had happened came back to him. Him fighting two ninjas at once, him almost winning, him in mid-air feeling the sudden distress of his Omega, his very pregnant Omega he had left alone in Konoha, distracting him, making him miss the branch, making him fall harshly on the ground, spraining his ankle. The two ninjas coming for him as his teammate followed behind shouting for him to escape. Him, dodging the first kunai when the second wave of utter terror hit him, cutting his breath away. Then he was hit once, twice, thrice until a knee had struck him in the stomach. As he lost consciousness, he had felt hands on his neck and desperate shouts around him while his bond still shared Hinata’s distress through his veins. When he regained consciousness, Naruto was in Konoha’s hospital, bandages all around his body while being monitored by two medical ninjas who constantly checked his pulse. They told him Kurama had protected his neck from being snapped but he had been badly wounded by sharp weapons, several arteries had been hit, while his teammate had to fight for both of their lives. How Naruto had managed to stay alive was a mystery. It seemed life had a twisted way of playing with his destiny, answering to his darkest wishes. After all, he had been the one to look for any life-threatening situations that would make him feel alive. But dying because of a bond that was messing up with the control he had on his life? No fucking way.</p><p><br/>
Later that day, as Hinata was by his side, crushing his right hand in her own as she was silently crying, begging him for his forgiveness, he realised he felt completely estranged from her. He distantly heard Kakashi, who was also here, explaining Hinata’s distress had been caused by the fact she almost lost their baby. Someone had bumped into her, making her lost her balance and fall belly first. Culpability was eating her soft features and yet, Naruto couldn’t seem to care. Something felt off but he couldn’t pinpoint exactly what. With a broken voice, he had told her not to worry, that he was alive, that everything turned out to be fine in the end, but it felt empty and he knew Hinata was aware. Suddenly, realisation struck him; he wasn’t feeling Hinata’s sadness nor couldn’t feel his inner Alpha anymore. The tears of his Omega and the knowledge of the incident wasn’t stirring up in him any feral, primal emotion. He had to report it to a doctor, had to talk to Hinata about it… and yet, a sinful voice inside him was whispering that it was his chance, his chance to be free, free of these emotions, free of those pushes the bond always sent him. He could still smell his wife’s scent so he had nothing to worry about, he could look out for her smell to gather information, to not give himself away.</p><p><br/>
It was like a weight had been lifted from his shoulder and he couldn’t even find himself to feel ashamed. The birth of Boruto somewhat woke up the bond again but Hinata’s attention was completely focused on their new-born, which gave Naruto the time to tame it, shutting himself off from it as much as possible. Deep down, he knew how unfair he was towards Hinata. She truly didn’t deserve any of that, didn’t deserve a dysfunctional Alpha that lied to her, overlooked consciously her needs… but what made him feel truly monstrous was that he didn’t look for her soothing smell anymore. It felt as if he had tricked her for nothing in the end. Of course, he still enjoyed it when she enfolded him with it… but it felt different, fainter and it was never done for him alone, its main aim being their baby. He had wondered if it was her way to punish him, never releasing that smell for him and him alone… whatever, he could hardly blame her. He distanced himself from Hinata in fear of waking up the bond more than it already had. So, he only touched her when her heat arose, tried to make up for his neglectful behaviour by lavishing her with kisses and soft touches. He also convinced himself the baby would compensate for the emotional side he no longer offered her. The whole situation remained so, Himawari’s birth awaking their bond a bit more but leaving his inner Alpha out of the picture. Not that he minded anyway. At this point, Naruto had learned to fully ignore Hinata’s emotions whenever the bond prompted him to act on it and had focused all his attention on the upbringing of their children until he had been promoted Hokage. To be honest, he had not expected the job to be that tedious, increasingly monopolizing most of his time. Still, he had managed at first to come back the evening, eating with his family, but as days went by, the office job slowly woke up the itch Naruto had thought gone for good. His numbness towards his mate’s needs and the monotony of his job were an open door to his worst demon. So, Naruto had become a workaholic, drowning himself under loads and loads of work in order to not think about it, to not fucking act on it, straining his relationship with his family, especially with his firstborn and his wife. He reached the point of no return the day he missed Hinata’s heat, forcing her to take suppressants. The village had been on high alert, threatened by some unknown ninjas, leaving Naruto no choice but to betray the only thing in their relationship he had swore to never overlook.</p><p><br/>
From that moment, a vicious spiral took place; him overlooking Hinata’s heat sporadically, letting his shame literally eat him alive, until she had to take suppressants each time. He was so disgusted with himself he had started to sleep in his office at home. He didn’t deserve to share her bed, to touch her, to smell her… Because in all honesty, Naruto had used Hinata’s silence and weaknesses all these years in his own advantage. He has used the knowledge of her mistreatment against her secondary gender, never trying to make her comfortable enough for her to open up to him, never trying to make her express her feelings, her needs, letting her only rely on their bond in the hope he would listen, react… A war hero? More like a fucking manipulative coward. Every time she brought him spare clothes guilt gnawed at his stomach. He wanted to apologize, wanted her to scream at him, anything that would make him snap out of the misery he had inflicted on them both. But he didn’t do anything, he only looked at her melancholic smile and her soft eyes that still held love for him… love he surely didn’t deserve. How could she still have feelings for him? Even his firstborn had started to challenge him more and more about his behaviour towards his mother now that he had presented as an Alpha. If the constant defiance was tiring, Naruto couldn’t help but find comfort in his son demeanor. By his reactions, he could tell had been properly socialised and for that, he was eternally grateful to Hinata. He couldn’t have dreamed of a better mother for his children... even though he didn’t have the decency to show her, the last incriminating example being when he had come back from his fight with Momoshiki Otsutsuki.</p><p><br/>
He had tasted the intoxicating thrill of fighting for his life again after years of boring paper works without having to fear the bond fucking him over with any emotional distress from his mate. Being able to fight alongside Sasuke, something he hadn’t done in a damn long time, reminding him of his time as a shinobi, his time as a free man living on the battlefield, his blood and sweat as his best weapons leading him to victory. His utmost pride seeing his son becoming a real shinobi right in front of him, winning against his opponent with the jutsu he was the proudest of. When his feet had touched the rooftop of the Hokage’s building, his adrenaline was still running in his body from all of that, but exhaustion had wrecked his mind. So, when Hinata had thrown her petit frame against him he didn’t even move, looking at her absent-mindedly, never returning her embrace back, staying stoic as her a sweet lilac fragrance, her signature relief’s scent, washed over him. It was only later that night, when they were in their bed, Himawari between them, he had realised his lack of tenderness. It wasn't like he was looking for excuses, at this point Naruto knew he had none, but it felt like he and Hinata were never living at the same tempo, their reactions and interactions being constantly offbeat. He wondered if it was because he was estranged from the bond, the disappearance of his inner Alpha preventing any communication with her Omega, or because he had the ability to ignore the bond’s surges, if not both.</p><p><br/>
Shikamaru’s voice snapped him out of his thoughts. Shit, he didn’t pay attention and even though he trusted his right hand and his negotiation skill, he needed to take part in the conversation in order to win the lord trust. Discreetly, he started to spread his soothing smell in order to keep the man’s mood even and prevent any outbursts. The glint in Shikamaru’s eyes confirmed his strategy choice; he had the Delta approval. However, he couldn’t hold it forever. Since the loss of his inner Alpha, Naruto hadn’t been able to maintain his smell for long, as for his Alpha voice, he couldn’t use it whenever he wanted and had to wait for days to get it back. He had lost all the prerogatives that came with his secondary gender, which was why he could only rely on his reputation and hard work. It was in this kind of situation he missed the power he once had; he knew he would have made this guy submit in the blink of an eye. Now he had to suffer hours of sterile talk as the lord didn’t budge from his opinion. He didn’t see in what a better treatment of orphans would provide any good to society, arguing a waste of time and money.</p><p><br/>
Naruto's frustration was growing exponentially and Shikamaru was looking at him from to time, his wariness turning steadily into nervousness. Shit, he had to reign his temper. Why was he feeling so agitated? Sure, the man was headstrong but so was he, and Naruto was confident he would win the argument so there was no need for the sudden anger pooling in his guts. Then, suddenly, it hit him. A brutal, breath-taking electroshock burning his gland scent. Naruto chocked back a hiss, rubbing harshly his neck, focusing on pushing back Hinata’s distress in the back of his mind. Fuck, now was not the time. Luckily, the lord didn’t seem notice, focusing on the report Shikamaru had just handled him. Breathing through his nose, Naruto resumed his focus, swallowing slowly as the feeling gradually faded. However, when he was about to talk, pain shot through his brain and he couldn’t help clicking his tongue, clawing violently at his gland, almost drawing blood. This time, the lord looked at him, a bit worried. Naruto weakly joked about nerve-wracking bugs that were always after his blood, lightening up the mood. Rubbing his neck a few times, he felt pleasantly relieved as the sensations seemed to have completely vanished. It took two more hours for the man to see sense and agree to increase Konoha’s budget in order to support the enlargement of the orphanage and the hiring of various social workers to take care of the upbringing of the children.</p><p><br/>
However, Naruto didn’t have the time to enjoy his victory. As soon as they saw off the lord, Naruto’s satisfied grin had been met with a raw display of anxiousness in Shikamaru’s eyes. The man had quickly averted his gaze, mumbling some last-minute work checking, before hurrying away from him. If it surprised him, now that he was alone in his office, he couldn’t help but feel uneasy. He remembered the way Shikamaru had looked at him right before the meeting, as if the man knew something Naruto was unaware of. Stroking absent-mindedly his neck, he wondered why he couldn’t read Hinata’s emotional state. Sure, he was used to shut himself off from the obligations the bond bound him to, but he could still feel Hinata’s emotions and needs, checking on her occasionally when he didn’t come home for days. But now it remained awfully silent, Naruto was starting to creep out. Why had she felt distraught? Why couldn’t he feel her anymore? Why Shikamaru had been looking at him like a prey watching out for a predator? He needed to go home, he wouldn’t be able to work until he had checked on her and the kids. As he was about to leave, the door suddenly opened on the Delta who was out of breath and Naruto’s nose was hit by a terrified scent. His friend’s terrified scent.</p><p><br/>
“Shikamaru, what’s-”</p><p>“Hinata is with Sakura, she was hurt!”</p><p><br/>
Naruto rushed out of his office, running towards the hospital. He could hear Shikamaru’s footsteps tailing him close as he jumped from one rooftop to another. As soon as they arrived, he let his friend show him the way, his eyes burning holes in the back of the Nara’s head.</p><p><br/>
“What happened?”</p><p>“It seemed enemies had ambushed her while returning from her mission-”</p><p><br/>
Naruto didn’t let the Delta finish his sentence, grabbing him by the collar of his shirt and shoving him brutally against a wall, towering over him with a dangerous stare.</p><p><br/>
“What mission? I have never approved Hinata going on a mission.”</p><p>“No, because you gave me your approval to look for the missing member and send the team in the field.”</p><p>“Seems like I was wrong to trust you.”</p><p>“Look, it shouldn't have happened. It was supposed to be a simple searching-gathering information mission and Hinata was and still remains the best at this very task. I thought it to be wise to-”</p><p>“And was it wise Shikamaru? Was. It. Wise?”</p><p><br/>
The Delta closed his eyes, breathing heavily through his nose. Naruto knew he was being unfair, but his anger was running so high every word falling from his friend’s mouth felt like wind blowing on hot coals. Also, he didn’t know if he felt frustrated or relieved to not have his Alpha persona anymore. Surely, he would have attempted to hurt his friend if it had still been there but at the same time, Shikamaru would have known better than to fucking try to make his point valid. He had never told anyone about his loss so surely his friend wasn’t pushing his luck here, but he couldn’t believe he could have hide it for so long without arousing any suspicion, especially from the man in front of him. Alphas always lost their damn mind when their Omega was hurt and here was the Nara, getting away without having been submitted to his Alpha’s wrath nor being injured. Still, now was not the time to think about that, so he released him with a murderous stare. Naruto couldn’t help but be impressed at Shikamaru’s composed behavior, merely rubbing his throat and leading him once again to his wife without another word. Delta’s abilities were indeed something else. His blood was thrumming in his ears when a door opened to a very sit Hinata. Her arms were covered with bandages and her face showed one or two bruises, but overall, she seemed fine. Naruto was so relieved he didn’t pay attention to the way Shikamaru suddenly winced, putting his hand over his mouth, didn’t pay attention to the way Sakura tried to stop him moving forward, didn’t pay attention to Hinata’s scared glint in her eyes when she became aware he was about to touch her. He realized it all abruptly when his hand was swatted away by Hinata’s own, a look of pure devastation on her face.</p><p><br/>
“I-I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to, I’m sorry-”</p><p>“Hinata it’s okay, calm down. Naruto back up please.”</p><p><br/>
Sakura’s voice had that distinct submissive tone, meaning she was trying to reach out directly to his Alpha and soothe Hinata’s Omega at the same time. His wife’ eyes were fixed on her knees, tears polling at the edge, as if she was ashamed of looking at him. Slowly, Naruto turned his gaze towards Shikamaru, his gloved hand still over his nose, his face betraying his uneasiness. His anger surged again, and he clenched his fist. What was the smell that was bothering Shikamaru and he couldn’t scent? Why was Sakura asking him to stay away? Why had Hinata rejected him? What the hell-</p><p><br/>
“What the hell is going on?!” his Alpha voice boomed across the room, making everyone flinch.</p><p>“Naruto, please don’t-”</p><p>“Sakura, what is happening?!”</p><p>“Sakura-san please don’t tell him…” pleaded Hinata in a teary voice.</p><p>“Naruto, you may want Shikamaru to leave” tried Sakura again, her Omega voice trying to soothe his temper.</p><p><br/>
It was infuriating the way everyone seemed to keep him at bay, all sharing a knowledge he couldn’t grasp. Shikamaru quickly excused himself and Naruto didn’t know if he felt grateful or if he was simply overwrought. He heard the door closing and saw out of the corner of his eyes Sakura rubbing nervously her hands against her tunic as she was trying to find the right words while he maintained his gaze on Hinata. She had stopped crying and her wet black eyelashes framed her white eyes desperately devoid of any emotion, as if she was horrifyingly defeated and had no more will to fight, as if she was dead inside, crushing Naruto’s heart.</p><p><br/>
“Naruto… Hinata is showing Omega rejection symptoms” Sakura finally said, her voice tight and painful. “That means the bond you and her share… is dying out.”</p><p><br/>
For a minute, it seemed like the world was falling apart under his feet. His vision burred around the edge and he felt a lump in the back of his throat taking place. Yet, he didn’t say anything, didn’t show his despair because he had no right. No right to be fucking devastated when he had been the one to painstakingly destroy his relationship with Hinata ever since the bond took place. He had been the one to curse its very existence every day of his fucking life so now his prayers had been wickedly answered, he had no right to cry his misery out loud. And yet, he needed to know when exactly his self-destructive tendencies had severed their bond, wanted to hear it so maybe the words would carve in his skin for the rest of his life and be the last thing he would see when he would draw his last breath.</p><p> </p><p>“How…?” he asked, his voice hoarse.</p><p> </p><p>“It started weakening when you stopped sharing her heats and the last blow had been today when you pushed away Hinata’s Omega call for help” Sakura answered cautiously, looking for any reaction from Hinata.</p><p> </p><p>Naruto simply nodded, part of him surprised the bond had been held for so long at Hinata’s mere will. To never run away and never go back was his nindo but it seemed like Hinata had been the one to honour it all along after all. Looking at the ceiling, Naruto gritted his teeth. His throat was burning from the unsaid question his traitorous treacherous mind kept asking. It was at times like these he knew he was truly fucked up. Fearing to be chained to a bond but choosing a mate where one had to take place, suffering from it for years and doing everything in his power to destroy it, succeeding in doing so, yet wishing to know if there was no way to-</p><p> </p><p>“It can still be saved.”</p><p> </p><p>Naruto snapped his head towards Sakura, eyes wide. He didn’t miss the way Hinata’s hand twitched on her knees and how she had stopped breathing while his former teammate was looking at him as if she was reading his mind.</p><p> </p><p>“When Hinata’s next heat will take place, her Omega will or not call your Alpha. If the former happens then your inner Alpha will have to hear it through the bond. If it doesn’t happen then…</p><p> </p><p>It will be the end. Naruto didn’t need Sakura to tell him that, it was easy to guess. He could feel panic assaulting his head, poisoning his thoughts. How was he going to reach his inner Alpha, let alone waking him up?! It has been thirteen years! He had to calm down, maybe he would have enough time to figure it out.</p><p> </p><p>“Since the bond is severed, you won’t be able to use your sense of smell to be aware of it. According to her medical report, her smell, and her temperature, Hinata’s next heat will break out in 2 days, 3 at most. You both need to stay away from each other when it will happen and wait for the interaction of your secondary gender through the bond.”</p><p> </p><p>“Is there… any other way?”</p><p> </p><p>For the first time, Hinata’s voice raised through the room, ever so soft yet so sad, crushing Naruto’s heart with a feeling of pure self-hatred and longing at the same time. He wanted to take her in his arms, bury his nose in her hair… but he had forgotten how to do it, had forgotten how it was to be intimate with his wife.</p><p> </p><p>“What do you mean Hinata?” asked Sakura, frowning.</p><p>“We don’t need a bond to be together, right?”</p><p> </p><p>Naruto’s throat tightened at her words. After all he had put her through, after years of neglect and resignation on his part, she was still willing to be at his side as a wife. God, no words were hurtful enough to describe how much he despised himself right now. Despised how his head and his heart never wanted the same thing, one pushing him to destroy his relationship while the other begged him to not let go as soon as he went too far.</p><p> </p><p>“No of course, but it will make your life difficult. Without a bond you will be unmarked and therefore, any Alpha will be able to smell you, and so no matter how many times Naruto scent-mark you. Furthermore, when your heats will come, they’ll be more painful because you will live with an Alpha that won’t respond to your smell. Of course, suppressants exist but overall, it’s going to take a toll on your body.”</p><p> </p><p>“I understand.”</p><p> </p><p>Naruto immediately recognised the edge Hinata’s voice held, making him frown. Every time Hinata made up her mind about something she always used this very tone. What Sakura said just asserted his wife’s resolve, giving Hinata whatever confirmation she needed. What did it mean? Didn't Hinata want to try to save their bond? Now he remembered, she had seemed nervous when Sakura had brought it up. Something in him stirred up. Why did he have to feel constantly conflicted about something he had hated from the beginning?! Why did he have to be twisted like this? He should be relieved Hinata didn’t seem adamant about their bond. So why? Why was he feeling uneasy? Why had he the fucking nerve of feeling rejected when he had been the one making Hinata feel this way all those years? Running a hand across his face, Naruto felt he was going to suffocate. He wanted to go home with Hinata, leave this fucking hospital, and do something they never had in years. A conversation.</p><p> </p><p>“Will this be all?” he gruffed.</p><p> </p><p>At last, Hinata’s eyes met his own and he had to use all his willpower to not reach out for her, to not break down in front of her.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes. Should I inform Shikamaru about it? Just in case, you know… to clear your schedule a bit until…”</p><p>“If Hinata agrees…”</p><p> </p><p>What was the point of trying to hide it? He was sure what the Delta had scented earlier had been his wife’s rejected smell and the guy was anything but an idiot… However, he would not give his approval if Hinata didn’t want to, at least he would respect that. She nodded at him and lifted her body off the bed, Sakura’s arm providing her support.</p><p> </p><p>“You may want to put your cloak on her Naruto.”</p><p> </p><p>Because she doesn’t smell like you anymore was left unsaid. Walking past him, Naruto didn’t feel Sakura’s hand on his arms as she was taking her leave, barely acknowledging her voice whispering them good luck or sorry; he didn’t know. He didn’t care. Carefully, he moved to be in front of Hinata, taking for the first time in years the time to really look at her. Had she always been so small? Hadn’t she lost weight? Had the soft wrinkles at the corner of her eyes always been there? Had he been a fucking idiot and not looked at his wife for so long?</p><p> </p><p>“Is it okay for me to touch you?” he murmured; his voice so low he doubted for a second she had heard him.</p><p>“Yes. Earlier was just my inner Omega being all over the place… I’m fine now.”</p><p> </p><p>Swallowing, Naruto wrapped the cloth around her body, lingering his hands maybe a bit more than he should have on her shoulders in order to secure it correctly. When her fingers delicately cradled the fabric, he had to restrain himself from taking her in his arms. It would have broken them both and they still had to deal with the kids at home. In a rough voice, he simply said “Let’s go”, and walked by her side, not saying anything. What was there to say anyway? Lucky for them, it was late enough so the streets were almost empty, leaving them alone and safe from any gossip. As they were climbing the stairs, Hinata took off the cloak and held it out to Naruto, except this time, when his hand brushed her own, he couldn’t help grabbing it and felt his heart sank when she held it back. Exchanging a long-pained look, Hinata was the first one to break it off with a tired smile. As she opened the door, Naruto took a long breath, bracing himself for the wrath of his firstborn. He wouldn’t hear the end of it, and he didn’t know if he had in him the will to scold his son’s behaviour after what he had just done. Closing the door, Himawari was already all over her mom, checking for her injuries, asking her if she was hurting but hugging her, nonetheless. It made Naruto almost smile but Boruto’s gaze was already on him, the boy being dangerously silent, scrutinizing his parents’ moves and faces. Holding his son stare, Naruto didn’t know what Boruto saw in his eyes, but it had been enough to prevent him from trying to openly confront his father, making Naruto release a breath he didn’t know he had kept.</p><p> </p><p>His children stayed close to their mother all evening. Watching them from afar, Naruto tried to organise his thoughts, smiling every now and then when his daughter asked for his attention. However, all his attempts were in vain. He had years of an unbelievable mess behind him, so as expected it was harder to sort it out. Soon enough, Hinata put the kids to bed and he couldn’t step back anymore. Wouldn’t allow himself to. He had taken thirteen years of her life; she had waited enough.</p><p> </p><p>Sitting on their bed, he waited for her, listening to her every move. As the door opened in front of him, Naruto clenched his jaw, taking in the form of the one who had always trusted him, the one whose love had never faltered, the one he had chosen and tricked into a bond for his own selfish desire. She smiled at him, moving around the room gathering her nightclothes as he struggled to get the words out of his fucking throat. How could her face remain so serene? A few hours before, he had seen distraught she was and now, she behaved as if nothing happened. So what, was she going to pretend nothing had happened? Is that why she still hadn’t talked to him? Did his manipulative behaviour had fucked them up for good? He had managed to trick his wife into an absolute silence no matter what he did? Taking a deep breath Naruto braced himself. He was responsible for this mess, had set up this kind of pattern between them, so he would be the one to-</p><p> </p><p>“We don’t have to, you know.”</p><p> </p><p>Naruto didn’t know what confused him more; the fact Hinata had decided to speak out at last or her very words? Turning her head towards him, uneasiness seeped inside him, her eyes holding a peaceful resolve that reminded him too much of the voice he had heard earlier that day. What was going on inside her head? His silence prompted her to repeat herself.</p><p> </p><p>“We don’t have to do what Sakura-san had told us.”</p><p>“Hinata, you don’t mean that.”</p><p>“I do, Naruto-kun.”</p><p>“You can’t be serious. Are you seriously okay with us not being bonded? I saw how distressed your Omega was earlier, there is no way you can pretend otherwise! It’s me isn’t it? God, Hinata just say it, you have every right to say it! We both know it is because of me the bond is dying out. We both know I have overlooked not only your needs but you, as a whole, for years! I have been one of the shittiest assholes ever with you!”</p><p>“It’s not your fault, Naruto-kun.”</p><p>“Wha-”</p><p> </p><p>She had gone mad. It could only be that. So not only Naruto was a poor husband and an inefficient Alpha, he had also succeeded in driving his wife insane. He started pacing frantically in front of her, ruffling his hair. He tried to find the right words but everything inside his head was a mess. He had excepted anything, anything but this. Fucking hell, what-</p><p> </p><p>“Do you even realise what you are saying?!”</p><p>“Naruto-kun-”</p><p>“How can you say it’s not my fault?! Hinata, look at me, look at us, look at our marriage!"</p><p>“Naruto-kun, I-”</p><p>“I messed up you understand?! I did everything, everything to fuck us up, I-”</p><p>“I know about your Alpha.”</p><p> </p><p>Naruto stopped dead in his tracks, his rant dying on his tongue as quickly as it had arisen. Hinata was looking at him, a hand over her chest, eyes pleading for him to listen.</p><p> </p><p>“This is why, it’s not your fault.”</p><p> </p><p>Naruto slumped over the bed, not trusting his legs to keep him upright. He didn’t know how he felt about this. Swallowing, he allowed himself a few seconds to soak up the truth, gathering his voice so that it wouldn’t waver.</p><p> </p><p>“When…?”</p><p>“Since that day, at the hospital. When I saw you on the bed, being completely shut off, your Alpha never answering my Omega through our bond, I just knew he was gone…”</p><p>“Why didn’t you say anything?”</p><p>“From the moment we bonded, I felt how distressed you were, saw how much you suffered. Also… I almost lost you that day because of it.”</p><p> </p><p>Naruto was now looking straight ahead, trying to remember what he had missed that day. How come had he thought all this time he had managed to trick Hinata? He could almost see Neji’s sneer at his overconfidence; he had been arrogant enough to think he could lie to a Byakugan user, moreover, to one he shared a bond with… God, he could be indeed fucking stupid sometimes.</p><p> </p><p>“That’s why you don’t have to blame yourself” Hinata iterated, sitting next to him.</p><p>“No, you don’t understand. I could have saved it. Many times, I could have fixed it if I had allowed it if I had listened to those pushes.”</p><p>“But you would have suffered from it.”</p><p> </p><p>He stopped himself from cursing out loud. Of course, Hinata would have put his well-being before her own. He wondered now why he had never told her? Had he purely done it out of self-interest, or had he felt ashamed? Ashamed for not being like the other Alphas around him? Ashamed of having disappointed her the night of their bonding? Ashamed of having used her love for him to get what he wanted? And for what in the end?</p><p> </p><p>“Didn’t you suffer too?" Naruto asked, his voice dry.</p><p>“I’d rather live at your side unbonded than be a widow.”</p><p> </p><p>She seemed so sure of herself, so sure of the love she had for him, so sure of what she wanted. As she was laying her head on his shoulder, Naruto lightly pressed his cheek against her hair,</p><p> </p><p>“Have you ever felt bitter, about all of this?”</p><p>“Sad yes, bitter never.”</p><p>“And if I told you I married you for a purpose?</p><p> </p><p>Ah, self-destruction at its finesse. Avoiding any confrontation for years in order to let the relationship rot and tires her, to push for a divorce the minute she opened her heart to him and showed no sign of giving up.</p><p> </p><p>“You mean my soothing scent?</p><p> </p><p>Was he that obvious or Hinata knew his treacherous motives better than he had thought, he was genuinely confused? Naruto simply hummed; brows knitted together.</p><p> </p><p>“I guess, I noticed soon enough you were attracted to it. But… I was just happy you could rely on me Naruto-kun. I’m not as selfless as you think.”</p><p> </p><p>Naruto weakly snorted. He was far worse.</p><p> </p><p>“Why did you stop releasing it?”</p><p>“What do you mean?”</p><p>“After Boruto’s birth, I have never scented it again, for me I mean.”</p><p>“Naruto-kun… I have never stopped. Ever since your Alpha disappeared, I coated you with it whenever I saw you but… you just didn’t smell it anymore. It’s one of the downsides of the bond’s degeneration I guess.”</p><p> </p><p>Naruto closed his eyes. He knew. Deep down, he had always known Hinata wasn’t punishing him. Now he recalled it, the scent had slowly faded away as years went by, and he had been too engrossed to fight off the bond to care… And yet, something still gnawed at his heart; the feeling of a restless, lonely child who was using all his willpower to understand, to make sense of what was in front him.</p><p> </p><p>“Why?” he sought quietly.</p><p>“Part of me, and I mean my inner Omega, foolishly hoped it would wake up your Alpha… See, even though I knew how much it hurt you, I still tried to chain you with the bond. I’m not that nice and you did what you had to do in order to survive. You’re not a monster. We’re only humans after all.”</p><p> </p><p>He wanted to tell her she was wrong. Wanted to tell her how few would have put up with his behaviour, his lack of tenderness, his negligence towards an Omega’s, a wife’s basic needs. He knew. He had spent enough time with them to know what fire he would have lit if it had been anyone else. Whose bonded Omega would have accepted to take suppressants because their Alpha husband was using work as a coping-mechanism, seeking whatever time-eating task to avoid facing the truth of his twisted mind, of his crushing guilt, of his deepest fears.</p><p> </p><p>“This is why, now the bond is fading away, I don’t want to corner you with it ever again. Sure, it will be hard, not only for me but for you too. But we have come this far, both dealing with our own broken soul yet trying our very best to live. I’m sure we will manage. After all we have Boruto and Himawari. They are the absolute proof of our bond, we don’t need another one to be what we already are.”</p><p> </p><p>Grasping her hand in his own, Naruto brought it to his lips, barely grazing the skin, before leaning his forehead against it, taking in her words, trying to make peace with his heart, sorting his thoughts, gathering his courage.</p><p> </p><p>“Hinata… To be honest, I don’t know what I want, and it’s been like this for a long time. It’s like I’m driven by something that is asking me to fulfill whatever is lacking inside of me. Yet, I have no real knowledge of what is wrong, and this thing is making me go back and forth, making me seek something and pushing me to escape as soon I hold it in the palm of my hand. It’s true, being bonded felt like I was being enslaved. Hell, I can’t count how many times I thought I was going to lose my mind because of it. And yet, even though I know how bad it was, I can’t help but want to try again. See, this is what is wrong with me. Because right now, I can’t promise you my Alpha will wake up nor that I won’t ignore your call as soon as I will feel it and I hate myself for it. Fuck, I know this is a selfish request because it will raise your expectations and you won’t be able to control your Omega, won’t control the hope I may end up crushing-”</p><p> </p><p>He suddenly felt Hinata’s body behind him molding into his own, her arms surrounding him as her hands gripped the front of his shirt. Ah, he could feel now how hot she was. Her heat would definitely break out sooner than Sakura had predicted. He wondered if it was because he hadn’t been alone near her for a long time.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s okay, I understand” Hinata’s muffled voice simply said, her breath on his back making him shiver.</p><p>“It’s gonna put a strain on your body…” Naruto added, his heart aching.</p><p>“I’ll manage.”</p><p> </p><p>As you did for thirteen years.</p><p> </p><p>“You don’t deserve anything of this.”</p><p>“It is but for me to decide.”</p><p>“… I bet you didn’t think the guy who had proposed you was that dubious.”</p><p>“I knew he had been alone. I knew he had suffered. I knew he had fought to prove his worth. I knew the world had put his hopes in him. But most of all, I knew he deserved to be loved. I chose him despite his flaws. I loved him, nonetheless.”</p><p> </p><p><em>And I still do.</em> Naruto didn’t need a bond to hear it, didn’t need a bond to feel it through his bones. The way Hinata’s tightened her hold on him told him much.</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll take the kids to your father tomorrow.”</p><p> </p><p>He felt her nodding, her head still against his back, softly breathing his scent. It grounded him somehow, he didn’t try to untangle himself from her. He couldn’t have even if he had wanted to. He knew Sakura had told them to stay away, he knew it would hasten her oncoming heat, but he told himself if he didn’t touch her, then this much was fine. Hinata needed it. Hell, he needed it. They could have this.</p><p> </p><p>Naruto didn’t know how long they stayed like this, huddled together, but at some point, they moved to the bed, both still awake but in their own thoughts. It’s not like there was anything else they could have said. Or maybe there was but enough had been told. Somehow, it almost felt like they were nineteen again; holding hands while staring at each other in the dark of the night, leaving the silence lulling them into sleep. However, when the sun started to rise, lightening their room, Naruto wondered if he had sleep at all. He grimly observed it may have been the same for Hinata, if her puffy eyes were any indicators. They decided Naruto would take the children to the Hyuuga compound right after breakfast. If Himawari believed his poor excuse of “family training camp”, Boruto’s eyes told him he didn’t buy it. Not. For. One. Second. It didn’t surprise him. By the way Boruto had been staring at him since yesterday, Naruto knew the boy had guessed, if not smelled, something was wrong. He didn’t even try to argue with him, didn’t even make a sneaky remark. His silence was like a scream of despair, as if he was witnessing something he guessed to be deadly serious between his parents but whose meaning he could not grasp. As he was walking with his children, he smelled how worried Boruto was, the scent increasing more and more as they got closer to the compound. If Himawari rushed inside as soon as they arrived, Boruto stayed outside with him, head bowed as if he was trying to say something. When he looked at him again, Naruto read the fear in his son’s eyes, which were way brighter than usual. He knew he had to say something, had to comfort him but the words were stuck in his throat. He could lie, he could tell him to not worry, promising him anything Naruto could think of that would have made him feel better. But living with the shame of his failed bonding was more than enough to bear; he wouldn’t be able to look at himself in the mirror for the rest of his life if he betrayed Boruto right here. So, he did the only thing he could think of; ruffling his son’s hair and coating him with his own soothing scent, hoping it would ease the weight in his heart. Naruto could tell it was far from enough; his son, his Alpha son, who challenged him on a daily basis was looking at him as if he was about to cry, as if he was about to grip his cloak and never let go, like a child who feared of being abandoned. Had Boruto noticed Naruto’s scent on Hinata got weaker over the years? Had he felt rejected because of that? He knew the answer was yes, and it killed him to admit he had willingly put a strain on his children’s shoulder for his own sake. Hinata had told him he had done whatever he had see fit in order to survive but at what cost? The collateral damage of his own self-destructive tendencies was now too important and threatened to tear his family apart even more. The softness of his boy’s hair under his finger hardened his resolve. Whatever happened, he would no longer suffer from his own choices. He had a life of regrets behind him he could use to choose knowingly once and for all. He had to. He owed it to them.</p><p> </p><p>This was why, as soon as he left his son’s side, he went to the Hokage tower, sending a bunch of clones in town to buy water and food for Hinata. He wouldn’t be able to concentrate if he were to go home, so his office was the best place he could think of. At least there, it felt as if he was still in control, grounding him somehow. Also, it was not like he could put his work on hold for so long... He would just slow down the rhythm, try to meditate as much as possible and pray for something to happen. Yeah, that would do. As he was walking down the corridor, he was greeted by the sight of Shikamaru’s perfectly frozen face. Ah, sure, the Delta had certainly not expected him. What Alpha would be walking around while his bond was fading out? Once again, it reminded Naruto how fucked up the whole situation was. He needed to work on it, quickly.</p><p> </p><p>“Shikamaru, you have come at the right time. I’m going to stay in my office for a few days. I don’t want to see anyone, except you if there is an emergency of course. I also won't be able to go personally to official events. I know we have a tight schedule therefore I’ll summon some clones you can order around to go meet and greet if needed. Don’t worry, I still intend to sign you whatever documents you need, but you got the big picture, I need peace… Shikamaru?”</p><p> </p><p>As he was about to turn the knob, Naruto turned around to look at his friend, intrigued by his silence. Shikamaru was staring at him, completely dumbfounded. He had rarely seen this expression on the Nara's face, meaning, Naruto had truly taken aback the guy, upholding his reputation of being the most unpredictable ninja. It could have flattered him if it didn't remind him how twisted his behaviour was. He called him out again, making him snap out of it this time.</p><p> </p><p>“Ah, ye-yeah. Of course, I understand. Don’t worry about it, I’ll adjust.”</p><p>“Thank you, I’m counting on you.”</p><p>“Nana-… Naruto. I wanted to… I’m sorry for-”</p><p>“Don’t. It’s not your fault.” Interrupted Naruto, gripping the knob harder.</p><p> </p><p><em>It was bound to happen</em> what was he wanted to say. He flashed an apologetic smile to his friend before quickly locking himself in his office. His back against the door, a heavy sigh left his lips and he couldn’t help but look up at his father portrait. What would he have done if he had been in his shoes? Naruto darkly chuckled at the thought. His father had been a balanced man, moreover a Beta. He would never have lived through what Naruto was currently living. As for his Alpha mother, she seemed to have had enough emotional upbringing to not end up like him. Discarding himself of his cloak, he had just sat down at his desk when the experience of two clones flashed through his mind, leaving a sour taste in his mouth. For a tenth of a second, he saw the feverish face of his wife, looking helplessly at his clones storing the groceries, her eyes lost in a haze of pain. Closing his eyes, Naruto joined his hand, the back of one resting on the palm of the other, and started meditating, using Hinata’s expression as a drive to reach inside of him where the loss had taken place years ago, where his Alpha used to be. First, nothingness surrounded him, and he hovered out of space, his body feeling light as his mind sank deeper into the abyss of his own self. Then he started to fall, gently, slowly, until his feet touched the ground, leaving him in a dark place filled with wind. He opened his eyes, and by the light in the room realised it was mid-afternoon. Nothing more could be done at this point so he decided to work for the rest of the day, trying to do as much as he could, determined to go home one last time. He knew he should have left Hinata alone, but he wanted to stay at her side until the break out of her heat, until he wouldn’t be able to come home and had to do his best to reach for his inner Alpha.</p><p> </p><p>The sun had set for a few hours when he opened the door of their home and the first thing that hit him was the absolute silence immersing the space, making him guess Hinata had gone to sleep. With stealth, he moved around, noticing a meal was ready for him on the dinner table. How could have she… No, rather, it would have been surprising if she had not. Even without a bond, Hinata was the only one who was more likely to predict his behaviour. Hell, even after thirteen years, she was still able to surprise him, her reactions to their very predicament were one example among many. Climbing the stairs, he went for their room, pushing slightly the already half-opened door. Here she was, lying on their bed, her back to him. She had trouble breathing correctly and it made Naruto frown. He didn’t remember Hinata being in such a state right before her heats.</p><p> </p><p>“Thank you, for the groceries.”</p><p> </p><p>Her soft voice startled him. Shit, he had forgotten to conceal his presence, assuming Hinata had been asleep. She turned towards him with care; her body seemed heavy, too heavy for her own frame and it took all the self-control Naruto possessed to not go to her in order to help her.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s close isn’t it?”</p><p> </p><p>It was a rhetorical question; he could tell her heat was close which was why he needed to absolutely keep his distance. She just nodded, her short hair falling behind her shoulder, putting the side of her neck with her fading scar on display. If Naruto waited for his eyesight to get accustomed to the faint light of the moon illuminating the room, he would be able to see the mark of his teeth on her skin, would dwell in self-hatred, would burn with the need to touch it… He closed his eyes, stopping this train of thought.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m gonna sleep in the office tonight.”</p><p> </p><p>Hinata nodded again and he knew by the way she was looking at him how desperate she was to ask him to stay with her, her eyes burning with want, with need of his body next to hers. She still had enough composure to not beg him and Naruto thanked all the gods above, because he didn’t know if he would have been able to resist. With or without his Alpha, he had always been weak to Hinata’s pleading, and the fact he could count on his fingers how many times she had done it in the past hadn’t helped him to harden against it at all. Still, it hurt him. It hurt him because despite knowing his presence wouldn’t help his wife’s state, he still came. He was angry at himself because Hinata had taken those fucking suppressants for so long it had messed up her body, making the heat’s symptoms being ten times worse than it usually was. Because her Omega persona was probably trashing around, calling for the Alpha she had bonded with and was in front of her. He couldn’t feel it but hell he was sure of it. The way she was staring at him... He didn’t understand how Hinata and her Omega could still want the broken man he was, could still love the twisted man he was, could still forgive him no matter what he put them through… Forcing himself to leave, he went to his office, locking himself in, in case of Hinata losing her mind to her heat. He wasn’t about to spit on his wife's suffering by making a dumb mistake which would cost them their effort.</p><p> </p><p>The sun hadn’t risen yet when he woke up, the sound of flowing water breaking the deafening silence of the house. Carefully, he moved to their bedroom and understood right away what had happened. The sheets were scattered on the ground and Naruto could guess the beginning of a nest taking place in a corner of the room. Hinata’s heat had started. He needed to go. Yet, as he was about to leave the house, he couldn’t help but stop right in front of the bathroom Hinata had locked herself in. He wanted to ask her if she was alright, if the pain was bearable, if she could take care of herself, if she needed him… a bit late for that.</p><p> </p><p>So, he left. After checking all the windows were closed and the front door locked, he left Hinata fighting her own battle for he had one of his own. The countdown had just started, Naruto had four days, five at most in front of him to succeed in waking up something he had come to believe gone for good. When he first turned up in his office, he worked for a few hours, feeling way too restless to do anything else. Then, he proceeded to meditate. Naruto didn’t know how long he tried to reach, find, call, wake up something his body seemed to have forgotten, leaving him only with grim memories, but when he opened his eyes again, he noticed the moon was now high in the sky and the pile of signed papers was gone, meaning Shikamaru had come into his office to retrieve them. He ruffled his hair, walking around the room, to set himself in front of the windows, looking at the rooftops that laid in front of him. He now realised how abnormally quick his body and mind had dealt with the loss. Except for his mild annoyance to not be able to assert his Alpha’s powerful aura over someone or use his voice whenever he needed, Naruto never really reflected on the implications of its disappearance. He had focused solely on the bond, doing his very best to stay at bay yet using it to its convenience, but now, he wondered if his uneasiness towards his mate, his unsatisfaction of life weren’t the result of his inability to accept who he truly was, to accept his flaws, to accept his nature… He had always resented presenting as an Alpha. Had always abhorred the lack of control it came with the package. Weak to scent, weak to heat, weak to emotions, weak to the bond, struggling to maintain his cool, his wants… Now he thought about it, his libido had never been so low since the loss of his Alpha persona yet, he remembered clearly how relieved he was every time Hinata went into heat, knowing it wouldn’t affect him as much as it once did… until he didn’t affect him at all.</p><p> </p><p>By the end of the second day, no progress had been made and Naruto could feel his frustration grew along with his anxiety. It dawned upon him that he wouldn’t be able to do it without any help. Yet, he couldn’t bring himself to ask his friends… This matter was his and Hinata's alone. Enough people knew about their predicament already. Hell, he wasn’t about to broadcast the news of the loss of his inner Alpha to Konoha and jeopardize his credibility with the other nations. Then, in the middle of the night, it hit him. Sending clones to the hospital’s archives, he waited, signing documents to pass the time, to focus on something else… All the information gathered flooded his mind in the afternoon while he was meditating, making him feel like his brain was about to explode. It took him an hour to assess everything in order to come to a valid hypothesis. By chance, there had been few cases in Konoha reporting the loss of a secondary gender. Despite the disparity, all the studies pointed out the same cause: An intense emotional shock. If you didn't have to be a genius to suspect it, the resolution of the trauma was much more complex and directly linked to the origin of the shock. The individual had to reconnect with the causes that led him to reject his secondary gender; in other words, he had to feel the exact opposite emotions as strongly as the first ones.</p><p> </p><p>Dismay overwhelmed him. There was no way he could ever feel the need to be bonded again, to wish for it after everything that happened. He had told Hinata much. He had promised to try reaching for his inner Alpha, not to answer to the bond… There had to be another way. So, he meditated, again, again and again. Shouting at the top of his lungs in this desolated dimension inside his body that had once belonged to his Alpha. Still, nothing happened, Naruto could only feel the emptiness he got accustomed to. Then, the fourth day turned up and Naruto wasn’t able to concentrate for one hour, his thoughts always wandering towards Hinata’s condition. Had she been eating? Had she drunk enough? Had she been able to sleep at all? If someone had tried to break in or if Hinata had left the house, the Anbus would have immediately informed him but still… still he couldn’t help but feel reckless. He had seen how the pre-heat had been way more excruciating for her than ever. He couldn’t even remember a time she had been hurting this much and if he had been able to cast his worry away at first, now that the time was running out, his mind was filled with Hinata’s pained face, of her voice desperately calling for him as her body was burning from the inside… He felt like suffocating, not being able to check on her was slowly making him lose his cool. Funny for someone who had overlooked her needs for years out of selfishness. As the hours went by, fear had spread in his veins like a venom, forcing him to face the impending truth. He knew why he would fail, had always known… He was afraid, deadly afraid of having to live enslaved to the bond again. Afraid of waking up an Alpha that would be out of his control. Afraid of failing Hinata again.</p><p> </p><p>At the dawn of the fifth day, Naruto knew there was no more hope. He had spent all the night fighting with himself, even summoned few clones to beat him up in order to rouse the tiniest feeling that would have saved his relationship. Yet, nothing. Now the sun was slowly rising in the sky, he could only admit his defeat. To be honest, he didn’t know if Hinata’s heat was still going on. Maybe it had ended yesterday, and she had been too weak to inform him, too wrecked to face him… She may have told him she didn’t need a bond, Hinata couldn’t go against her genetic. As it had made Naruto go insane, Hinata would face the same fate if she stayed with him without being bonded. At the end of the day, their relationship was doomed, the ending would still be the same… All these failed promises, all these hardships because he hadn’t been able to give up. Because he hadn’t been able to admit how fucked up, he was. What did he achieve? He had failed the only person who had always believed in him, not respecting any of the vows he had taken regarding their relationship.</p><p> </p><p>Or had he? As the sun was now bathing Konoha of its light, Naruto remembered one oath. One he had abided to. He had learned to love her. His love was not the same people used to read about in books. It had not started for the right reason, it had not been genuine; it had been out of despair, out of longing, out of possessiveness. However, each time he had woke up with her body next to his, his heart had melted with tenderness. Each time he had touched her skin, his desire had grown stronger. Each time he had seen her smile, he had come to the same conclusion. He didn’t need his Alpha to know the answer, he had only to reach out for his inner child, his teenage self. She was everything he had ever wanted. The memory of him in her arms letting himself getting drunk on her scent… it had been right. He had never felt this way towards someone else. She had been the only one to make him feels emotions he had never expected to experience. And if he had cursed the bond and its pushes, the one he had chosen as a mate had been blessing. She had given him something to hang on, something he could be proud of; his two children. They were the absolute proof of a different type of bond he had chosen willingly. His faith in Hinata had run so deep he had put two innocent life in her hands with the intimate knowledge she would be able to give them what he had always dreamed of. If it hadn’t been with her, he would have never accepted to become a father.</p><p> </p><p>So who was he fooling exactly? Hinata didn’t need him. He needed her. He wasn’t the Alpha but the Omega here. He was the one throwing his needs at the face of his mate. He was the one who needed to be taken care of. Because the truth was, even if he hadn’t been the best husband, even if he had clearly hurt her, she had fended for herself better than him. She hadn’t waited for him to save her. She didn’t need to be saved. He was the one looking for a saviour. He was the one whose soul ached from the misery he put on himself. How hypocritical of him. Stressing over Hinata’s fate to not think about his own. Stressing over how hard it will be for her body to not acknowledge the mere thought of someone else touching her. Stressing over a bond when he wouldn’t be able to stand another man smelling what was rightfully his. Shit. How would he be able to live without being bonded to her? How would he be able to go to work knowing that behind his back some fucking Alpha would try to possess a body of which he had learned all its secrets? How would he be able to eat, smile, live, fucking breath when the fear of losing the only person that had made him feel right at some point of his life, had made him feel hope, made him feel loved, would literally crush his soul?! Despair was now flowing in his whole body. He couldn’t stand it, wouldn’t accept it. Just the mere idea of having someone else looking at her, preying on her, claiming her was making his blood boil. She was his; her mind, her body, her Omega, everything was his, his, and HIS alone-</p><p> </p><p>Shikamaru’s gasp startled Naruto. Clenching his fist, he tried to suppress his anger. How come didn’t he hear the door? It didn’t matter, he didn’t want to see anyone right now and he hoped the Delta would be quick. Shit, he wanted to go home. Naruto clicked his tongue. He had to control his temper. God, why was it so hot in here? He tugged the collar of his jacket, feeling abnormally uncomfortable. He needed to open a window; he was fucking suffocating here! Tch, and why Shikamaru hadn’t still-</p><p> </p><p>“Naruto! Fuck- stop doing that!”</p><p> </p><p>Naruto snapped his head towards the Delta, frowning. His friend had his head bowed and had trouble breathing. His legs were twitching as if he wanted to run but couldn't, as he was being held down by an unknown force. So instead, it was like his body tried to suppress his whole existence, making himself look smaller than he really was.</p><p> </p><p>“Shikamaru, are you alright-”</p><p>“You scent! Just- Control your Alpha’s scent for god sake!”</p><p> </p><p>What scent? He would have known if he had released his soothing smell and clearly it didn’t have THIS effect on people. Naruto was about to ask the Nara what the hell he was talking about when it suddenly hit him, making his knee give out. He had to grip the edge of his desk so as not to fall, his vision blurry, his ears buzzing. His sense of smell had never been so sharp, making him feel dizzy with all the things he had missed out. His neck was burning, his scent flooding the place as he struggled to control it.</p><p> </p><p>“Naruto!”</p><p>“I’m on it!”</p><p> </p><p>His voice… It hadn’t occurred to him how much he had lost. What it had thought to be his Alpha voice was only a pale copy of his real one. He could hear in his head the roar of his inner Alpha asserting his long-lost dominance, retrieving his place inside Naruto’s body. He felt more dangerous, more powerful. What happened? How did he do it? Was he because he had thought of-</p><p> </p><p>He immediately rubbed his scent gland, looking for Hinata’s feelings, looking for his Omega’s call… A rapid shallow breathing took hold of him. His eyes couldn’t stay focused, staring at everything at once while he tried to connect with her. His heart was beating furiously in his chest, anxiousness creeping inside his guts. Seconds passed and nothing happened. Naruto’s Alpha was beginning to settle, awfully unresponsive to his attempts at communicating through the bond. Was he too late? Had he been wrong? Was Hinata’s heat over or was she done with him? Whatever, it was over. He would never know if she had called for him. He had missed the only chance life gave him. He had been too slow, too afraid of his own self… He had failed.</p><p> </p><p>“Damn, what the hell happened?”</p><p> </p><p>Shikamaru’s voice found a way to his brain while he was crushed under the implication of his loss. Thirteen years ago, he had been so eager, so pleased of being free, delighted by the self-control he got, thankful to be rid of the only thing his Alpha had sought in order to fulfill him. This Alpha who had been his worst enemy… but also his best ally. Hurt, despair, ungratefulness… all these emotions were choking him. Why did he have to be so indecisive? He felt a hand on his shoulder. Shikamaru had that worried look on his face, the same he always displayed when he didn’t know what to do, what to say, how to act. Naruto was about to respond to the gesture when something stirred deep inside of him. His fingertips started to tingle, his gland to itch. Then, a sound. Lower than a whisper. A murmur barely blown. A quiet sigh, making his guts twist, making him hold his breath. A strange sensation was going through his body, coiling around his neck like a hurricane waiting to blow. He could feel himself tense, could feel the Alpha in him waiting to be struck. His only warning was the sudden feeling of longing dancing under his skin before pain exploded within his body, making him groan.</p><p> </p><p>Despair, exhaustion, sadness… all those emotions blinded him, cutting his breath for a second while he tried to calm his scent as his inner Alpha was trying to overpower him, mad with the need to provide, howling to the rational part of his brain to surrender, to let him take over. It was when he heard it. The distant yet powerful call of his Omega. A teary plea for his Alpha to come to her, to claim her again while her heat was still there. Her heat! With the bond, Naruto could tell it was almost over. He needed to hurry; he didn’t have much time left!</p><p> </p><p>He vaguely recalled pushing Shikamaru out of his way, slipping through the nearest open window he found and running, running… running as if his life depended on it. In a sense, it did. Naruto didn’t know how he managed to open the front door of his house without breaking it, but when he stepped inside, he openly moaned, the smell of her heat sticking to his skin, forcing him to put a hand on the nearest wall to find his balance. <em>Find her, bite her, claim her, touch her, love her.</em> The scent was so thick, so intoxicating, so exciting… He could feel himself losing control, his inner Alpha more restless than ever. Running up the stairs, he followed the smell, opening violently the door to their room to find an empty nest. A frustrated sigh left his lips as he rushed towards the bathroom, cursing out loud when he found it locked.</p><p> </p><p>“Hinata! I’m here, it’s me, open the door!”</p><p>“Naruto-kun…?”</p><p> </p><p>Hearing her broken voice made him feel relieved and pained all at once. How many times had she cried herself to exhaustion? How many times had she screamed his name in despair? His inner Alpha was literally outraged at the very thought, commanding Naruto to protect her, ease her pain, tend to her heart and body. And he was ready to do just that if she opened that fucking door!</p><p> </p><p>“Hinata, I’m sorry I took so long, but I’m here now, please, let me in.”</p><p>“B-But, the bond…”</p><p>“I know I fucked up and I’m still afraid of myself, but if you’ll have me… Hinata, if you still want me please let me- let me bite you. Let me claim you one more time.”</p><p> </p><p>An agonizing silence followed his words. Naruto could feel through his gland Hinata’s heat was about to end and he knew if he bit her now, she would have to go through another five days of heat. He could feel how worn out she was, but he couldn’t let go. Not now. Not ever. His inner Alpha was summoning him to use his voice to overrule the stubbornness of his Omega but he didn’t have the heart to do that. He wouldn’t force Hinata. If they were to start again, he would have her consent.</p><p> </p><p>He hardly had the time to hear the sound of flowing water when a mix of frustration and want shot up through his bond. Naruto was about to talk when he heard a sob, a broken sob, making him and his inner Alpha go insane.</p><p> </p><p>“Hinata?!”</p><p>“I want it… Naruto-kun, I want it. Please…”</p><p>“Just- just open the door!”</p><p>“I can’t… My body… I can’t-”</p><p> </p><p>Breaking it down in one kick, Hinata’s scent surrounded him, making him feel dizzy. Time stopped for a second as they looked at each other. Hinata’s wet clothes were sinfully stuck to her skin, putting on display her breasts, her thighs, waking up in Naruto a dark desire he had thought long gone. Sitting on the floor, her back against the wall, the whimper that escaped her throat when she smelled his scent was his undoing, making him surge forward. As he was leaning towards her, Hinata threw herself in his arms, sobbing as she was kissing his neck, nipping at the skin, making Naruto tighten his hands on her waist. Pushing her hair out of the way, he brushed a finger over the scar he had once made, the mere thought of staking his claim on her for the second time making his blood thrum in his ears. In the back of his head, he could hear that distasteful, hissing voice asking him if he was sure about it? If he was ready to relive the same disgust of that night? If he was ready to disappoint Hinata once again? It could have made him change his mind if his Alpha hadn’t been so loud, so overjoyed at the thought of being finally reunited with his Omega, the mother of his children, the woman who had imprinted her scent on his soul. Slowly, he hovered his lips above the sensitive flesh, barely grazing the skin, making her shiver under this mere touch. She gripped the back of his jacket, pushing herself against his body as a trembling breath left her lips. Her scent was fucking him up. He wanted to be kind, to stay in control but he was so excited. He kissed the skin before sinking his teeth into it, a bit deeper than he intended, feeling himself hardening at her strangled moan. He waited for the nausea, waited for the impending rejection… but all he felt was his ultimate satisfaction of the assertion of his dominance over her. All the conflicted feelings both of them felt weren’t strong enough to erase his satisfaction at the knowledge no one would ever try to take her away from him, at the satisfaction her body would remain his and his alone, at the satisfaction only his name would fall from her lips when he would have her beg for him. Licking the wound one more time, he moved back to take in the reddened skin, his inner Alpha marveling at the thought of a second mark adorning his Omega’s neck. Hinata rested her head against his shoulder in a sigh surrendering herself to his ministrations.</p><p> </p><p>Then, the smell hit him. Swallowing thickly, he slowly moved his hands under his wife’s skirt, gently caressing the skin until his hands reached her drenched folds, making Hinata hiss as Naruto’s breath hitched in his throat. This was… had she…? His head snapped towards hers when he felts her delicate fingers dancing on his mouth, redefying its contour. Naruto was completely bewitched by the look on her face, by the way her eyes looked at him; tired yet hungry. Ever so gently, her hand moved towards his nape, playing with his hair when she wasn’t dipping one of her fingers inside his collar, barely tugging it. Naruto followed her pace, his thumb sliding against her bud, his eyes fixated on the way her mouth quietly released a breathy moan every now and then. God, he wanted her, he wanted her so bad he was starting to get dizzy. Her hand applied the slightest pressure on his neck, pulling his head at her level, making Naruto bite his lips violently to control himself.</p><p> </p><p>“I… I don’t know if I can be gentle” he rasped.</p><p>“Then don’t.”</p><p> </p><p>He crushed his lips against hers, swallowing her moan, tightening his hold on her waist with one hand. His skin was on fire, Hinata’s touch rekindling a passion he had dared to forget. Unfastening his pants, he watched his wife raising her skirt, a gush of slick wetting the inside of her thighs, making them shine, the scent intoxicating Naruto’s mind. He would taste it, he would but now… Now he could only lead Hinata’s hips towards his own, could only incite her to take him inside, cursing openly when his tip pushed against her entrance. He had forgotten how tight she was, had forgotten the way her walls clamped around him whenever he tried to move. Soon, he trapped her against the wall, ripping her thin tank top off her, raising her body to plunge into her core, burying himself to the hilt each time he withdrew from her. She couldn’t move, her body being at his mercy, her pleasure now belonging to him. Her hands around his neck, she could only moan against his temple while he bit her neck again, again and again, pursuing his Alpha’s demand, marking her so no one would dare to doubt this woman was his. He would make amends. He would seek help. As Hinata’s whines made him snap his hips harder, bite her skin harder, crush her body against his harder, Naruto choked back a sob. Life had really a twisted way of making him feel alive.</p>
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<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This is for the people who subscribed to the story.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>EDIT 03.05.2020: I have merged the two chapters in one.</p><p>If you have read the first one,<strong> please go to the first chapter</strong>, do <span class="u">Crtl + F</span> and copy/paste: <strong>For a minute</strong></p><p>It will lead you directly to the second part of this story.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>On a scale of one to ten, how much have I hurt my favourite OTP?</p></blockquote></div></div>
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